Remix Fic: Circumstance (The Remus Remix) by elly427, M, Zak/Kara, Kara/Lee

[elly427]

Title: Circumstance (The Remus Remix)
Author: elly427
Pairing: Zak/Kara, Kara/Lee
Original Story: Decline and Fall by elzed
Rating: M
Summary: It's fine, he wants to say, but it's not, it's so not. He loves her enough for it not to be fine anymore.
A/N: Better late than never? My apologies to elzed and the hiatusthon organizers for being ridiculously late

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"It is the design of this (. . .) to deduce the most important circumstances of its decline and fall; a revolution which will ever be remembered, and is still felt by the nations of the earth."

Edward Gibbons, The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire

[][][]


Zak can't wait for Lee to meet Kara.

Zak has had girlfriends before but this is the first time Zak's dated a girl that Lee, or anyone else in the family, hasn't known since they were in preschool together, the first time his judgement is all his own. Mom can't confirm her good family, Lee hasn't played ball with her brothers, Dad hasn't flown with half her family. Kara is all his, and that's a good thing.

A good enough thing that he wants Lee to meet her and confirm what Zak already knows - Kara Thrace is one hell of a catch.

So he's disapointed he can't be the one to pick up Lee, wants to be there to greet him, but the last time he was supposed to be in a sim, logging flight runs, he was inside Kara. The log shows he did the time, but Kara won't let him count it and so he's stuck, hot and sweaty and crammed in a sim, trying to beat his previous score.

He grins, can't help it, and is glad when it is hidden behind his helmet. He's even gladder no one can see his expression a second later when the screen in front of him goes white and then black, the simulated detonation signalling he's been tagged hard enough that his ship has exploded.

He pops the top of the sim, pulls his helmet off and looks to his left where Teeg is smiling sheepishly.

"Sorry," she manages. "The shot was too easy not to take."

He nods. It probably was.

Lt. Graves' voice crackles over the speakers in his console. "Adama, see me once you've shut down." Zak leans his head back and sighs. Frak. That's never a good thing.

Teeg smiles sympathetically, watching as he hits the necessary switches. "Get your head in the game, Adama," she says softly. "I don't know where it was, but where ever it wasn't here. You're better than that."

"Mind was on other things, Tee. See you later." He swings out and down, ready to get this over with.

[][][]

He's halfway back to barracks when he catches sight of Kara's truck, so he changes direction. Any thoughts of Graves' dressing down are easily ignored when he sees his brother in the passenger seat. It's been too long. Between Officer Candidate school and internships and his own training, he and Lee haven't been in the same place for a long time.

They hug, strong, lots of back slapping, like men, like adults, Zak realizes and when he takes a step back he realizes Lee is older and his shoulders are broader and he's not exactly the same guy Zak grew up with.

Zak apologies for not being there to pick him up even as he darts a quick kiss on Kara's lips. She's smiling; he's glad.

“You failed to mention some things about her, like her callsign.” Lee is annoyed, Zak can tell, even though he knows Lee thinks he is hiding it behind an amused tone.

“I thought you might know her, but I wasn’t sure…” Zak knows Lee well enough that the knows his brother isn't buying it.

Zak is right. “I call bullshit. You thought I’d tell you off for dating a troublemaker.” Zak wants to laugh, wants to say 'exactly, big brother,' but Kara cuts him off.

“I told you he’d figure you out.” She turns to him and laughs in that perfect, careless Kara way that always draws him in. She turns to look at Lee, her voice still light.

“Zak thought you might disapprove of my influence.” That's not exactly true, but close enough.

Lee frowns just enough, brows drawing together. Zak recognizes that look. “Thanks, Zak. You make me sound like I have a stick up my ass.”

“Now you mention it, sir,” Kara pipes up, “You did have the reputation of being a stickler for the rules when you were here.”

“Hey, hey,” Zak holds his hands up in front of himself when Lee's attention remains on him. “It was just because I didn’t want Lee giving Dad the wrong idea…”

“Since when do I talk to Dad, Zak?” Zak feels like the temprature around them drops by twenty degrees. He sucks in a breath, lets it out slowly. "Sorry.”

Lee shrugs, like he has since he left home four years ago and someone has brought up the man who made him go. Kara shifts next to him, uncomfortable.

Lee clears his throat. “I’ll get my stuff unpacked. Then dinner?”

Zak nods, helpless.

He follows as Kara takes charge and leads them to officer's quarters.

He never told Lee Kara was Kara, was Starbuck, because Zak is not stupid and Zak knows his brother very well. Lee would never approve, even though they seem to be getting along fine. It has nothing to do with their father.

[][][]

Kara follows him back to his quarters to get changed. His roommate Ben isn't there, but Ben has known about him and Kara since before they began, so it'd be fine if he were.

"So, what'd you think of Lee?" he asks, not looking as leans over his desk to check his email.

"Hmm," she says, flopping onto his bed as he turns to dig out a set of fresh tanks for tonight. "He's cuter than I remember," she says, and when he looks over she is the picture of innocence. He knows what that means, drops his tanks and strolls over to the bed.

"Oh he is, is he?" He leans over her, hands on either side of her head. She fights her grin.

"Mmhmm. Hot, even."

"Oh really?" Zak asks as he leans down and nuzzles her ear. Kara huffs out a breath, almost a laugh.

"Almost as hot as his brother."

"Really?" Zak asks again, brushes his lips along her jaw, comes up to hover at her lips.

Kara sounds breathless at his proximity, just how he likes it. "Yeah. Almost."

He kisses her then, and she opens her mouth immediately, her foot swinging up to rest at the small of his back and pull him down and closer, closer and closer.

They're five minutes late to meet Lee, and Zak still isn't showered.

[][][]

They get dinner in the mess - "I have absolutely not missed this," Lee says as he picks up a cup of dubious looking jello - and Zak is relaxed and happy enough that he sits back and lets Kara and Lee argue decorum. He knows Kara well enough to know she's just winding Lee up, knows that while she means what she says, she's also showing off just a little. Zak bites back a grin even as Lee loses the fight with his.

Later they end up at Justinian's because he has to veto Lee's first choice and Kara the second for reasons they are definitely not telling his older brother. Zak slumps in the booth and is just happy to be. There's no pressure, no thoughts of midterms and flight evals that he knows are coming up three weeks after Skira, just his brother whom he hasn't seen in too long and his girlfriend and some really frakking good booze. Lee buys the first bottle, Zak the second, and he knows Kara is good for a third. It's one of the reasons he loves her. He smiles to himself.

"You guys are just the best,” He manages in a pause in their conversation. The way both of their heads swing towards him suggests maybe he only imagined the pause. “The frakking best. I just hope I can fly half as well as either of you one day, and I’ll be vennicated. Vendic… vindicated. Whatever.” It is possible that he is drunkerer than he thinks.

He tilts his glass up in a toast and drains it, finishing with a wide smile. Kara shakes her head and smiles. She pulls the ambrosia bottle a little closer to her side of the table. She thinks he doesn't notice but he does.

“Speaking of flying,” Kara says, looking back over at Lee “You know we’re doing a little air show for Skira?”

Zak snorts and sweeps his hand out in front of him, an unsteady immitation of a viper in flight. “Because nothing says harvest festival like a bunch of Vipers shooting across the skyline,” The words twist in his mouth and he has to concentrate harder than he'd like to get them out.

“Frak you, you godsless bastard!” Kara smacks him upside the head but her eyes are warm and soft, familiar. Were he sober her blow might hurt, but instead it just spreads warmth across his skin. He laughs and falls back against the booth, closes his eyes and listens to them talk.

Kara's offering to let Lee fly in her squadron's flyby and something, something makes the smile drop from his face. He knows he is no where near qualified to join her squadron, no one in his year is. But still. He'd give anything to be there up with her.

Lee is putting up some token resistance but Zak knows Kara and she's absolutely not going to let him say no. The answer is a forgone conclusion, so Zak stops paying attention and slides down far enough in the booth that he's halfways under the table, far enough that his hand can land on her thigh without Lee noticing.

Kara notices and shifts, her hand slipping off the table top to thread her fingers through his to squeeze. He smiles, and thinks about what he'll do to her once they're home.

[][][]

Zak goes to watch Lee's first practice with Kara's squadron. Even if he didn't know Kara was flying lead, it wouldn't be hard to tell who was who. It's easy to pick the two of them out of the group; they fly with confidence and a gracefulness Zak can only hope to emmulate one day.

It doesn't occur to him how closely Kara's achievements resemble Lee's until later, when they're side by side, both sweaty and disheveled in their flight suits, helmets tucked under their arms as they talk animatedly about their last run. They could be related, some part of him thinks, the way they gesture and stand and posture, th way they turn into each other and occupy that space that is limited only to wingmen or family.

Kara lights up when she sees him waiting, throws her arms around his neck and kisses his, wet and noisy and messy but still good, still damn good. He kisses her back and it's not until Lee clears his throat that Zak remembers his brother is there.

"I should-" Lee motions to the locker room.

Kara nods, her arms still around Zak's neck. "Yeah, yeah, me too. And we need to debrief. Zak, we'll meet you at your place in an hour?" Kara's halfway through the door before Zak manages an affirmation.

Lee slaps Zak on the shoulder, must see something on his face, some hurt or loss or feeling of being left behind.

"Hey, it's just the adrenaline. We were doing some pretty advanced stuff out there. You know what it's like, after a flight."

Zak nods mutely and Lee steps away. He doesn't know, actually. They won't put his class in real vipers for another six months.

[][][]

He and Kara have classes for the next few days, and Lee has his paper to deliver so he has to make an effort to see his brother. Lee has always been like this, too concerned with studying and preparing when it was obvious he was going to ace a test.

Zak sprawls on Lee's bed and pretends to read a flight theory book. He's really watching his brother pace around his small room, juggling three different legal pads filled with handwritten notes.

It's a scene that Zak remembers well from late nights when he was little and couldn't sleep. He'd creep into his father's office, when the then-Colonel was planetside, and watch the same track be traced across the floor.

Not that he'd ever tell Lee that.

Lee starts shuffling madly through his notes, then his cards, muttering to himself about Hadrian's prinicple. Zak picks the card up from beside where he is sprawled on the bed and waggles it in Lee's direction.

"This would be easier if you would just type the damn thing up and keep your notes in the computer." Lee glowers in Zak's direction and grabs the card from his hands.

"I can't think that way. And you're not helping. Go frak your girlfriend or something. I'm busy."

Zak shrugs and gets off the bed. He might be used to it but it still annoys the frak out of him. "Call me when this is over. You're not fit for human company right now."

Lee looks up from his notes. "Zak-" he starts.

"No, I know," Zak says, relents a little. "It's ok. I understand. I did have to live with you when you were writing your entrance exams. Oh, and the scholarship letters. And that valedictory speech in high school. So I know better than to interrupt the great Leland Adama at work."

"Frak you," Lee says, throwing a crumpled piece of paper at Zak's head as he shuts the door, but he's smiling now, so it's ok.

[][][]

Two days before Skira he finds Kara alone in her squadron ready room. She's sweaty and hasn't managed to get her flight suit any further off than her hips.

"Hey!" she says and smiles when he leans down to drop a quick kiss on her lips. She threads one hand into his hair and holds him in place longer than he expects, but he doesn't protest, just kisses her back.

She finally lets him go and he rocks back on his heels. "You're in a good mood."

She nods, shuffles a few papers. "Very. You just missed your brother. He was at practice today and it was fantastic. We're going to frakking knock their socks off."

"Yeah?" Zak asks, sitting down across from her. "I'm surprise he managed to get his head out of his ass long enough to make it to practice." Kara quirks an eyebrow and Zak shakes his head dismissively. "He's worse that Nutball with a hangover when he's stressed, and this presentation is driving him up the wall."

"Huh," Kara says, and then shakes her head. "Well, he was fine with us today." She pauses. "Actually he was in a pretty good mood. Even cracked a few jokes."

"Flying must take his mind off things. I don't know. Now," Zak stands back up and walks around to her side of the desk. "Enough about my brother."

Kara smiles up at him and pulls his head down and kisses him again. Her hands find the buttons of his uniform and start to work at them.

"Kara-" he starts but she stops him.

"Zaaaak," she says grinning up at him, standing and pressing her body against him.

"I didn't lock the door," he says, not figthing his own grin.

"Well," she says, and then pushes him away. "Hurry up."

Her tanks land on his head just as he reaches the lock.

[][][]

The morning of the demonstration Kara crawls from bed before the sun rises so she can make it to a service. He catches her by the waist and pulls her back down, kisses her softly and nuzzles into her neck.

"Say a prayer for me," he says and she smacks his side and pulls out of his arms.

"It's not going to do you any good, heathen." Zak smiles and watches her gather her things sleepily. She's pulling her scarf over her head - necessary for the ceremony and temple she's attending, he assumes, because it's not really her style.

"Well, if I'm beyond hope, say one for yourself." He pauses, wondering if he has the right to ask. "And for Lee. You're going to need it today." Kara pauses and must hear the genuine worry he wasn't really trying to hide in his tone.

She sits back on the side of the bed and he leans up on his elbow.

"Zak," she starts.

"Kara," he says and pushes a lock of her hair back under her scarf.

"We'll be fine. Lee and I have been practicing a lot, even squeezing in runs without the rest of the squad-" and that's news, but right now he's glad to hear it. "We'll be fine. Well," she considers, "at least until we land. Ladenis might have another opinion."

Zak smiles, because he knows she wants him to. "Be careful." He says, and she finds his hand in the sheets, squeezes it.

"I will. And I'll take care of him too."

"Good," Zak says, not that he doubts his brother's abilities.

"And now, I really have to go or I'll be late." She stands. "I'll see you back here in, say, 18 hours? Be naked."

"Done," he says and smiles at her as she leaves.

[][][]

His heart is in his throat for the entire display.

He watches the vipers swoop over head, recognizes manouvers that have blown him up, time and time in the sims. The people around him gasp too, so he doesn't feel so bad at the way his breath catches even though it sort of feels like a betrayal.

He can barely breathe when Kara and Lee's vipers break off from the others, somersaulting and wheeling around the other vipers, arching and weaving across the sky, rolling around and under the arches of the aqueduct.

"They're frakking nuts!" a first year breathes next to him and he hears someone squeak a reply, but then anything else is covered by the roar of the crowd as Starbuck and Apollo blast for the sky, safe and still flying despite everything. Zak wants to cheer too but he can't he doesn't have enough air in his chest between the fear and the pride and the sheer joy at seeing ships move like that.

From a safe distance he watches Kara and Lee spill from their vipers, sweaty but triumphant once their helmets are ripped away. The rest of the squadron races over, arms raised in triumph, surrounding the two of them. Despite the fact Zak spent the entire flight envisioning their messy deaths in front of him, right now, now all Zak wants to do is be over there with them, wants to throw his arms over both of their shoulders and be part of that, the exhilaration and the pride and the triumph of puling that kind of stunt.

Zak can't take his eyes off of them, can't stop watching they way they almost glow. He's never been prouder of his brother or his lover, and if he smiles any wider he's going to strain something in his face. He watches, amused, as Kara throws her arms around Lee, and watches as Lee squeezes back, his eyes closed for just a moment.

It's only a moment, and then Lee lets go, but something, some part of something deep inside Zak's chest freezes at the expression on his brother's face.

It's everything and nothing and he watches, suddenly numb, as Kara lets him go to ruffle his hair. There's camaraderie and some sort of connection between the two of them, so obvious a stranger could see it, so obvious he can see it and knows he and Kara have never shared the same between them, despite everything else between them.

A few of his classmates find him, slap him on the back in congratulations, and Zak can't do anything but nod back dumbly. He can't - he must be imaginging things. There's no way. No way.

Kara - she's never said it, but he knows she loves him. And he loves her. The last six weeks have been incredible, have been everything.

But when he meets them outside Ladenis's office, Kara and Lee are both still on a high, both still orbiting each other. Even as he smiles at his brother and wraps Kara in a hug he feels something humming between the two of them, something he's not a part of, something he thinks involves more than just flying.

Lee slaps his back and smiles, says "Let's get cleaned up and hit the bar." Zak smiles and nods and follows in their wake. He's silent the entire way back to the barracks, but neither of them notice.

[][][]

He doesn't mean to stew; he's not the type and it used to drive him nuts as a kid when Lee would sulk. But Kara's still pumped from her flight, and even though part of him is still bewildered by what he might have seen, he can't help but get sucked in by her energy and enthusiasm.

She kisses him, presses him up against the door just as they are about to leave to meet Lee. He doesn't know if she's ever kissed him like this before.

She pulls away and he must look dumbstruck because she laughs at him. "Something to tide you over until later."

"Yeah?" he asks, his hands finding her ass and pulling her closer to him, possessive.

"Yeah." Her eyes flare dark and she kisses him one more time. Frak Lee, he thinks. Let him look all he wants. Kara is his.

[][][]

Zak heads straight to the bar when they arrive. He orders the first round, gets two shots for himself and has one gone before he returns to Kara and Lee. They're already surrounded by a group of cadets, a beer in each of their hands. They both free a hand from the handshakes to take a shot from him and the three of them knock their drinks back.

He wants to kill the rest of the cadets at the bar for pushing Kara and Lee onto the dance floor. They look good together, he grudgingly admits. Blond head and dark close together, close enough to the same height that Kara can't quite manage to tuck her head under Lee's chin like she does when she's dancing with him. Instead they keep moving and Zak watches Lee watch Kara, watches her watch Lee as their hands stay in safe places but their eyes and the heat between them stays anywhere but.

Jeanie sidles up next to him, orders a drink and turns around to lean on the bar, weight on her elbows. "Frak, Adama, you're a better man than I'd be." The bartender returns with her ambrosia and she tips him well.

"Yeah, Beanie?" he asks, swallows the last of his drink, not taking her eyes off of them.

"Yeah," she says, nodding and taking a drink. "If my boyfriend was out there dancing with my sister like that -" she lets it trail off and then whistles. "Whoo boy. There'd be trouble in the morning."

Zak shakes his head, tries to shake her words from his mind. "That's why you're always going to be alone, Beanie." He looks over and smiles at her, and she returns it even as she shakes her head.

"Your funeral, Adama." She sets her empty glass on the bar and saunters off.

He watches her go, grin still on his lips. It fades when he glances at Kara and his brother, sees his hand low on her hip and it makes him push off the bar.

When he says "mind if I cut in?" it's mild but he sees the way Lee flushes even as Kara turns and wraps her hands around his shoulders and sways into his body.

He looks down to find her looking at him carefully. "You okay?" she asks. "You've been really quiet tonight." Some part of him is vindicated that she has noticed. He pulls her close, breathes in her sweet, familiar smell, suddenly sure he's imagining things.

"I'm good," he says, and she smiles and shimmies a little closer into his personal space.

[][][]

Later when Roofie cuts in he lets her, dances and laughs and is having a good time. He begs off, wants another drink and lets Roofie go laughing into Frizz's arms.

He can't help but notice Kara and Lee find their way to one another.

Zak is not stupid.

Zak has never been stupid.

He knows, from years and years of finishing second to his brother in all things, when Lee is interested in a girl.

He watches the two of them across the bar, completely ignoring Ryan and the story he is telling him but injecting enough "uh huhs" in the right places to cover.

Zak blinks and watches Kara lean in, just a little, watches his brother's eyes trace down the line of her unbuttoned shirt. Watches their eyes meet, watches Kara say something, watches as the grin slowly fades off her face into something much more serious. It's that look more than anything else that makes the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

He watches as Kara looks away first. Kara, who never backs down from anything or anyone, conceeds to his brother.

She turns back to the bar, orders another round and Lee doesn't look at her, just stares into his glass of ambrosia, carefully ignoring her.

Shit.

Zak turns back to his drink and absently notes his hands are shaking, just a little, as he brings the glass to his lips.

Zak trusts Kara; if not absolutely, well, then, he trusts her not to frak his brother. A small voice, once he's never learned to ignore, reminds him that Kara's never had a reputation for monogamy. Then again, Kara has never had a reputation for frakking anyone more than once or twice before discarding them, and they've been together almost two months.

But Lee - frak, Lee. His own godsbedamned brother, Zak's mind swirls drunkenly and all he can think of is Lee, sixteen, laughing when Zak told him he thought he loved his first girlfriend. Lee, who has never believed in finding that one perfect person. Lee, who can't leave frakking well enough alone.

"Adama!" someone bellows and he looks up into the drunk, laughing eyes of Beanie. "You are looking way too serious over here. Not paying proper tribute to the gods with that attitude! Get your ass out here on the dance floor and celebrate Skira properly."

He shakes his head. "I'm not-" he tries and she shakes her head and grabs his hand, pulling him from the table.

"Frak that!" she says, laughing, and he downs the rest of his shot and pushes his thoughts to the back of his mind. He's imagining things.

[][][]

Two songs later Kara finds him and pulls him away from Beanie with a wink. His hands find her hips and hers end up around his neck and they feel so good together, move like they were meant to do this together. The first time they met, on another dance floor, Zak had known they were going to set off fireworks in the sack. He hadn't been wrong.

His lips find her neck and he nuzzles her there. She throws back her head and laughs, that loud, endearing, braying Kara laugh that he loves. Gods, he just - he pulls her closer and she wraps her arms tighter around his neck. He wants to say something to her about all these emotions bubbling up in the back of his throat, but he thinks he knows her better than that, so instead he just moves with her.

They end up at the bar, and he's three shots in before he takes a breath.

He turns to find Kara eyeing him up and down. He smiles, knows that look. Likes it.

"You ready to go home?" she asks, sliding into his personal space.

He sees Lee over her shoulder, dancing with Sophie and not looking at Kara anymore. Everything is spinning and it feels like the floor is going to disappear from beneath his feet.

His hand finds her hip. "Yeah," he says. "Okay."

[][][]

They barely make it back to her room before her hands are on his stomach and under his shirt. Gods knows they never would have made it the extra block back to his room. Kara's always been more aggressive when she's just that little bit more drunk.

He fumbles with her keys and it takes several tries, more than he is proud of, to find the lock. He manages and pushes Kara into the room ahead of him. He's delayed just long enough to hear the door at the end of the hall open and catches sight of his big brother's head, bent low and not looking.

Zak knows Lee is billeted next door and knows exactly how thin these walls are. He suspects there is a reason the room next to Kara is unassigned. Kara never holds back, and he imagines, grinning drunkenly, she might be hard to sleep through.

Kara finds a nipple and tweaks. It drives almost every other thought from his head.

"Kara-" he manages before pushing her through the open door. Once they're through he slams it shut, turning back to her and kissing her hard.

She laughs against his mouth and he smiles too until her hands find the waistband of his pants and head south.

"Frak- Kara- Don't-" he groans loudly and fumbles behind him for the door lock.

"I want you right now," she says, her voice low and her hand hot against his skin.

He pushes against her and she stands her ground, pushes back just a little and gets that predatory look on her face that always, always turns him on.

"Strip," she says and he narrows his eyes at her but complies.

By the time he's mostly naked she's down to underwear and those are gone as soon as she realizes he's looking.

She pushes him back onto her bed and climbs on. His hands slide up to find her thighs as she straddles his chest. She leans down and kisses him deep. He moans into her mouth and she grabs him by his wrists, stretches his hands above his head and holds him there.

He bucks, just a little and must hit something good because she breaks her mouth away from his to gasp, and loosens her fingers just enough that he can break free. His hands find her hips and he's pulling her up and forward before she seems to realize what's going on.

"I want you so much, Kara. I want to taste you," he says and bites the inside of her thigh, not gentle.

Kara pauses, for just a second, then bites her already-swollen lower lip and nods, lets him guide her into place.

His hands slide down, fingers spreading her and he licks her open, tongue curling around her clit. Her entire body shivers and he smiles as she breathes "Zak."

He does it again, and again, and soon her hips are shifting as she rides his face and she's making these deeply sexy little noises. He opens his eyes and above him her hands have found the headboard and she uses the leverage to shift just a little, to put his mouth in a slightly different place. He obliges and she stiffens, eyes clenched tightly shut and lip between her teeth.

"Oh- frak," she moans low and he licks again, sucks at all that wet, perfect flesh in front of him.

She groans again and he finds her clit with his lips and sucks and pulls away, sucks and pulls away and her breath is coming faster and she is squirming on his face and he does it again, and again, watching her face as her eyes squeeze shut. He grunts and she shivers, so he does it again

"Gods, frak," she manages and he sucks harder and one hand leaves her hip and his hand goes behind her and he rubs her opening and sucks her with his tongue and as he shoves three fingers into her dripping entrance from behind she comes, breaks, her voice loud, "Gods, you godsdamned motherfrakker - ohhhhhh - frak frak frak-"

She slumps on top of him and he wastes no time, pulls her limp body down and flips her on her back, slides into her and she moans again, loud and he buries his face in her neck and grunts as she flutters around him, tiny aftershocks still quaking her body. Her fingers bite into his back, pull him deep, deep, deeper until he's frakking her without thought, without reason, gasping for breath between saying her name. She lifts her hips and shifts beneath him, almost arching off the bed. Her gasps sound almost like sobs now and he's so far gone, so far inside her that he doesn't care if he's hurting her.

Then - then she moans again, almost breathless, and stiffens against him, her entire body shaking, her mouth round and her eyes clenched tight. She clenches around him and her teeth find his neck, muffling the noise and - frak - he comes, grunting into her neck.

It takes a minute before he has the faculties to roll off of her. She sighs and shivers as he pulls out of her. He lays on his side beside her and she rolls to face him. Kara's not much of a cuddler, which he is usually absolutely fine with. Tonight he takes her wrist, pulls her palm up to her lips and presses a kiss there. She smiles sleepily.

"'Mmmm." He watches her fight to keep her eyes open. "'s always so good with you, Zak."

He smiles back, pulls her hand towards him, sighs "Kara," content, but she's already asleep.

He falls asleep like that, his hand pressing hers to his heart.

[][][]

Kara's phone rings at some ungodly hour. She untangles her legs from his and leans across him to answer it.

"'lo?" she says and Zak keeps his eyes closed.

"When?" Kara asks, then "now? Okay."

She hangs up with a click and shakes his shoulder.

"Up." He tries to ignore her, so she injects a little command into her voice. "Now, Cadet. Duty and your survival instructor call."

That wakes him up. "What-?"

"That was Ben. Apparently it's your class's turn for surprise training. You need to on the bus in 20 minutes."

"Frak." Frak. He vaults out of bed and Kara grumbles just a little, settles back into the pillow.

He bends over to pick up his pants and everything swims and his head starts to pound. Shit. What sort of sadist schedules training the day after a festival? Frak.

"Asprin?" he manages to croak, hoping if he gets some down now the bus ride won't be as painful as it could be.

"Above the sink," she waves a lazy arm as he pulls on clothes. Two tablets, dry, but that's all he has time for.

He's decent enough to make the short trek to his dorm, so he's halfways out the door before he remembers his brother sleeping next door, and that alone is enough to make his stomach lurch.

He detours back to the bed, kisses Kara hard on the forehead. "I'll see you in a day or two. Tell Lee where I went."

"Mmpf," she manages from where her face is mashed in the pillow.

By he time he gets to his room he's got five minutes. Ben is frantically throwing things on his bed for him and they get his pack ready and managed to slide on the bus as the door is closing. Zak slumps into the nearest empty seat and presses his sweaty forehead to the cool window.

The bus starts off, bouncing and jerking and he knows it's going to be a long ride.

He dozes as well as he can, as do most of the cadets, but someone at the back is talking about yesterday's display.

"Did you see Starbuck and Apollo?" Someone whistles, Coco he thinks.

"They've got to be sleeping together, right? I mean there's no way they're not. Not after that performance."

Someone else pipes up. "Isn't she dating his brother?"

Someone snickers. "Maybe they're sharing."

Zak groans, squeezes his eyes tight and he must be louder than he thinks he is because everyone in the back of the bus shuts up.

[][][]

Suvivial training is hell, as usual. He sweats his hangover out after he's dumped from the boat into the middle of Lake Koronia and has to swim for shore. He arrives back at the dorms just after 5 am. The doors are all still locked and his keys are somewhere at the bottom of the damned lake. He can't get into his own room because he knows Ben's group is still on the water, so he heads to Kara's.

He's tired and wet and sore and cranky, so he's not especially patient while he waits for Kara to pick up the buzzer. Gods, he hopes she doesn't ignore it.

It rings and rings and he grinds a stray cigar butt into the rough pavement with his shoe. Tilts his head up and doesn't see a light going on in her room.

Last ring before he's about to give up when finally, finally she picks up.

"Hello?" she says, her voice rough and sleepy and low.

"I'm back. Outside. I lost my keys. Can you let me in?"

"Okay," she says, and he waits for what seems like a long time before she comes down and opens the door, wrapped in a blanket.

Once they're back in her room she drops the blanket, revealing panties and a tank. He strips down completely and weights the merits of showering now and getting the lake smell off of him or getting straight into bed. He's just so tired, though, and he watches, dazed, as Kara crawls back into bed.

"What?" she asks, no longer sounding sleepy.

"Nothing," he says, and shakes his head, runs a hand through his now-dry hair. "You just look good, that's all. Comfortable." Kara's smile is small and sweet, just tremulous enough that some part of him sits up and notices, thinks he needs to start paying her compliments more often if they effect her this much.

He rotates his shoulder, still sore from where Shep had let a branch crash back into him. He strips down to nothing, finds a pair of boxers in her drawer and slides into bed with her.

She's on her side, facing away from him and he grasps her around the waist to pull her closer. She stiffens, just for a second, just like she used to back when he started spending the night, but then she relaxes back into him. He appreciates her warmth, after the cold of the past 23 hours, and pulls her wet hair back from her neck to place a kiss there. She shivers.

"When did you take a shower?" he asks, inhaling the soapy-smelling skin under his nose.

"Oh," she says, and he feels her hold her breath. "Uh. Lee and I went drinking. I dumped a beer on myself, so I took a shower when I got back." She exhales, long and slow.

"Mmm," he manages, already lulled towards sleep but her heat and her smell and the feel of her in his arms. "D'you have a good time?"

"I missed you," she says, simply, and he pulls her closer.

[][][]

The next morning Kara is long gone before Zak wakes. It's unusual, but he knows she can move in near silence when she wants to, so he doesn't think much of it. Zak makes it to the mess just to catch Lee finishing his breakfast. Lee looks miserable and hung over, like he hasn't slept since before the demonstration.

"Rough night?" Zak asks, setting down his steaming tray on the table. Lee goes a little green at the sight of his scrambled eggs wobbling, and Zak grins into his juice. For a viper pilot Lee has always had a delicate stomach.

"Ugh. Yes. No. Kara took me to this bar." Lee rubs his forehead and doesn't look him in the eye. "The ambrosia was cheap, and apparently leathal. It made for a pretty early night."

Zak nods and shovels in a mouthful of eggs.

[][][]

It's only later in the day when memories from the night before come flooding back.

Lee shows up at what was supposed to be the end of Zak's sim class, but once Lieutenant Bower had spotted him, Lee was suited up and in a sim before he knew what hit him.

They'd had dinner plans with Kara they were going to be late for, so they'd both showered in the gym locker room instead of heading all the way across campus. He'd turned to say something about Kara, or maybe something about the fries at the pub they were headed to, but it had died on his lips when he'd caught sight of his brother's chest, marked by thin red lines and everything from two nights ago came rushing back.

He couldn't - Zak couldn't breathe, couldn't force the air into his lungs. The Lee turned to reach for something on the bench behind him and Zak saw a matching set of lines down his back, eight tiny half-moon cresents bright red against the top of his shoulders where someone's fingers had dug in. Holy frakking lords of frakking Kobol. Frak. Frak.

Zak knows those lines, those marks, the sting that Lee is rolling his shoulders against. It's possible Lee hooked up with someone else, it is, but when, because there's been no time and the marks are fresh and and and -

"You ready?" Lee asks, shrugging his shirt on and hiding the evidence.

Zak thinks he manages not to stutter when he replies, but he's still frozen, prays Lee doesn't look in his direction too soon because he knows his face is pale, and he still can't believe it. For a moment, all he wants to do is turn back time, wishes fervently he could rewind the clock and never have had this moment of realization.

[][][]

Zak ducks out on dinner and heads back to his room. When Kara shows up he's sitting at his desk, not moving.

"You okay?" she asks, hand finding the back of his neck. He flinches.

"Yeah, no, I'm fine. Go have dinner with Lee." He's proud of the way he doesn't spit his brother's name.

She's silent long enough that he looks up. Her eyes are narrowed, not angry but he's not sure what else.

"No," she says. "I want to stay here with you."

"Kara-" he starts, but she cuts him off.

"You were gone when I got back to the table. Lee said migraine?" Zak nods. It's a story Lee would believe, since Zak has had them since he was a kid.

"Okay," Kara says. "Get into bed."

He's caught in his own story so he gets up from the chair and strips, slides into bed as Kara draws the blinds and brings him three painkillers and a glass of water.

He rolls away from her, faces the wall and doesn't react when he feels the matress dip with her weight. Her hand finds the back of his neck and strokes gently. He can't stand it, her hands on him right now.

"Kara-" he says and his voice is choked.

"Yeah?" she asks softly, her hand stilling.

"I just - I can't stand the feel of anyone's-" your, he thinks "-hands on me right now."

She freezes, then thaws enough to remove her hand. "Okay," she says, and gets off his bed.

Good, he thinks viciously and waits for the door to open. Instead he hears the scrape of the desk chair. He waits, shoulders tensed, but doesn't hear her leave. Finally he rolls over and through slitted eyes sees her sitting at his desk, watching him. He's never seen her look at him like that.

[][][]

His first thought is to confront them. To get them in some small space and scream and scream until it all makes sense.

He doesn't.

He doesn't, even though it's what he thinks Lee would do, what their mother would do. He doesn't.

He wants to, but he likes it, he finds, the secret, dark tension between the three of them now. He drinks more than he should the next night and watches them, watches Kara ignore Lee completely and watches his brother try to do the same and fail. Hell, he knows how difficult it is to ignore her. Some drunk part of him feels some pity for Lee, but it's easy to ignore.

A day later Lee cuts his visit short and Zak suspects he hasn't been doing as good a job of hiding what he suspects he might know as he might like. He is viciously, vindictively glad.

He watches from a distance of inches as Lee hesitates and then very carefully hugs Kara goodbye. Zak can almost feel her hesitate and then she slaps his back like she would any other viper jock.

[][][]

Lt. Gibbons finds him watching their cannon footage a few days later. Zak hopes she hasn't been in the room long because he doesn't want to be this pathetic in front of one of his instructors.

"Adama," she says from the back of the briefing room, making him jump about twenty feet. He lands on his feet, spine stiff and at attention.

"Sir, I was just watching-"

"I know what you were doing cadet." She stops him and for a second he panics, thinks she really knows what he was doing, what he was looking for.

"These are advanced flight maneuvers, cadet."

"Sir, yes, sir."

"You're not thinking about attempting these are you, cadet?"

"Sir, no sir." It's absolutely the truth.

"Good." He thinks he sees Gibbons eyes soften, just a little. "Good," she repeats. "Thrace and Adama -" she pauses just enough for Zak to meet her eyes "your brother and Starbuck are beyond your skill level."

"Yes sir," he manages.

[][][]

He goes out that night, walks for an hour and then stops at the first bar he sees. He proceeds to get spectacularily drunk.

Another group of cadets walks into the bar, a different year, few he recognizes. He turns away slightly. He downs another shot, then nurses his beer, picks at the label and does his best to ignore his bleary thoughts.

"Zak?" he jerks at hearing his name. One of the other cadets - Jennifer? Genvieve, maybe? - is standing there, smiling. "What the hell are you doing on this side of town?"

She looks him up and down, and some part of him takes notice. She's pretty, dark hair and dark eyes. Nothing like- but he pushes that thought away.

Instead he shrugs, takes another mouthful of beer. "I dunno. Had to get away from the base, for a little bit."

She nods. "I hear that." She takes the seat next to him and puts her hand on his thight to help boost herself onto the stool.

A couple hours later and a few drinks and when he gets off (stumbles off) his stool, she follows him.

He has her pressed up against the wall of the building next door, mouth hot and hard on hers almost as soon as they're clear of the bar door.

He thought he could do this, he thought it would be as easy for him as it apparently was for Kara.

Genvieve's hand slides up his thigh and her mouth is hot and wet and if his mind weren't racing this would likely be incredible.

But.

But.

She finds his erection, cups it as she grinds against his thigh and he wants to say yes, wants so much to say yes because of everything, but instead his stupid, weak, naive hand finds her wrist and tightens.

She pulls away, panting, bottom lip swollen, hair a mess, and he almost forgets what he's doing.

But.

But.

"I can't." he says and she frowns so prettily he wants to take it back.

But. "I can't," he says again and slips away.

The next morning he wakes half dressed, in his own bed, with a hangover that makes the entire room spin. He feels even worse that he did before, beyond the hangover.

[][][]

The thing is Zak finds he kind of likes having his heart broken.

Kara drops by and finds him buried in a book. It's all for show, but he's a better actor than he thinks because she tries to cajole him to abandon his books for a drink.

"I should study," he says.

"What for? Finals are weeks away."

"Kara, just because you don't need to study - you know I do. So just go." And she does, in a huff. Something inside of him burns hot, glad.

He spends two weeks mostly avoiding her, runs without her in the morning, ducks trips to the bars, studies in the library and only goes back to his room when curfew dictates it.

She stands it for, he imagines, as long as she can, and then confronts him in the middle of the parade ground at the crack of dawn. He'd only started running here since Lee left, so he knows she's tracked him down.

"What the frak is going on?" Her hands are on her hips and she sounds like she does when she's talking to her squadron.

"What?" he says, crossing his arms.

"Why the frak are you avoiding me? Since Lee left I haven't seen you for five straight minutes." Her posture softens, just a little. With guilt, he thinks, but it's not so vicious as it has been the past ten days, now that she is standing in front of him. He' s missed her, damn her.

"Was it - was it the demonstration?" she asks, hand on her hips. "Flying with Lee -"

And that's it. It's the moment he has to decide: confront Kara or let it go. And he knows they've never discussed this thing betwen them, this thing that fell into something regular because he bulled her into letting him stay in her bed and by her side. She's never said he's anything but a good time for her and she's neer made any sort of promise of monogamy.

She keeps talking "- because that was just - I don't know." She stops, frustrated, rakes a hand through her hair.

"We've never made any promises, Zak. I don't owe you a thing." Her jaw is clenched and her chin is up.

He can't - he won't forgive her, exactly, but she doesn't know what he knows and he's not willing to press her. He is, if he is honest, afraid he'll lose her, lose her to Lee and despite everything, despite the anger and the rage and the shame that hover just under his skin, he loves her too much to give her up.

He thinks of his performance in the sims yesterday ("Disappointing, Adama," Graves had growled) and refuses to lose one more thing he loves and wants.

"I'm sorry," he says, and sees the way she freezes. Some part of him thinks she thinks she should be the one apologizing, but he pushes that train of thought down and away as he steps forward and gathers her in his arms.

[][][]

Still. He tries but he can't quite let it go, much as he might want to.

He isn't - obsessed is the wrong word, but it's close. He shakes his head as Kara returns from the bathroom and slides into bed next to him. She presses herself close, so close, like she's trying to squeeze inside him.

His first instinct is violence and he is repelled by that part of him. The second part, the easier part that is still tied up in the first, is arousal. She's always been able to do this, turn him on, no matter what, and lately the urge to take her, to have her has only been stronger, even as it repulses him a little.

She squirms against him a little more, her toes running up his calf and he can't restrain himself. He grabs her shoulder and yanks her over onto her stomach, presses her face down into the pillow and bridges above her, breathes heavily against her ear. She squeaks a little, but it's close enough to a moan that he grins and it feels almost feral.

"C'mon, Kara," he says, his hand slipping between her and the matress and finding her wet, so wet she lets out another little moan. She sounds vulnerable, like she's never been with him, despite everything.

"Oh-" she moan as his fingers find her clit and pinch none too gently. "Zak-" she gasps and raises her hips higher, her ass brushing his already hard cock.

He pinches again and she gasps. His hands leave her, find the waist band of his pants and yank them down, freeing himself.

He can't resist, can't, so he positions himself and pulls her panties to the side and thrusts into her, hard, harder than he would mean if he was trying to be gentle.

She arches against him. Sighs "frak yeah" and doesn't say his name. It drives him nuts, so he thrusts harder, finds her breasts and pinches her nipples and she only seems to like it more than the lovemaking he thought they were so good at.

"Do you like that?" he asks, fingers squeezing against her skin.

"Oh, frak, yeah-" she exhales and pushes back against him, pushes like she thinks she deserves this harsh treatment.

"Frak - Kara-" he manages and thrusts into her again, hard, hard enough that she's driven further up the matress. She moans.

"Kara-" he says again and his hand finds her clit and he pinches and pulls and is anything but gentle.

Ever muscle seems to tense and then Kara moans, loud and high, manages "Zak," manages to say his name though it all.

And that's enough, that's enough, he loses all control and ruts against her, fingers bruising and pulling and pinching and he doesn't care. All he wants is to posses her in a way he never has.

They collapse against the bed, breathing hard, and he's not sure she came. He cares, he does, but he can't find the energy to rouse himself and ask her. She rolls onto her side, bringing him with her, and gathers his arm around her.

"That was -," she manages, and he can imagine her eye lids fluttering.

"Yeah," he says. Thinks I love you and maybe still believes it

[][][]

It gets easier, Kara gets easier, and as time passes he starts to wonder if maybe he was imagining it all, her and Lee. He knows he didn't, but some times, most times it's easier to believe that he did.

Still, the whole thing brings out a cruel streak in him that he never knew he had. Now that he recognizes it, though, he likes it more than he should.

He drops Lee into casual conversation just to see what she'll do. And, for the most part, she doesn't react at all.

Kara loves him, he thinks, is starting to really believe, but at the same time he sees the way she flushes and looks away when she thinks he's not looking and he mentions Lee's name. Something happened, something more than he saw, something while he was on maneuvers. It's fine, he wants to say, but it's not, it's so not. He loves her enough for it not to be fine anymore. He can't keep pushing her, like worrying a loose tooth.

Lee had helped him pull one of his teeth once when he was a kid and couldn't stand it. Tied it to a door and slammed it, all the pain and blood and a little bit of pleasure rushing all at once.

It's not the same now.

[][][]

Lee, on the vid screen, never changes. If anything it makes things worse.

Zak can see him muster the courage to ask "How's Kara?"

Zak isn't kind.

"Happy," he says. "She's been in such a good mood since the display. She keeps talking about having you come visit again." Lee blanches and Zak wishes he cared more.

[][][]

Lee comes to visit enough that it starts to feel like a regular thing. It's easier to ignore whatever resentment he still feels for his brother when he is in front of him. When Lee's right there, it's easier to remember he loves him and respects him, and harder to believe he'd ever do anything like Zak suspects he did.

Lee gets a posting on Picon at HQ and Zak doesn't think that it's by accident. But it's okay, and he's starting to suspect less and less.

Still, all three of them seem to make sure that Kara and Lee are never left on their own, are never without him. They still talk about flying, but now he has something to say too, so the conversation is less lop-sided.

He still sometimes catches Lee looking at Kara, and in those moments his anger flares, hot and bright. It's all he can do not to say something, not to push Lee up agaist a wall and pound the shit out of him until some sort of confession pours out of him.

But everytime Lee is looking at Kara it seems like she is looking away from Lee and over at him, so it's easier to ignore than he thought it would be.

[][][]

But so it goes, and weeks pass and then months, and Kara gets her papers, gets posted as an instructor, and Zak holds his breath. He figures if she's ever going to toe the regulation line, this will be the time.

They go for a drink to celebrate. She plays with the cardboard coaster under her drink, drags her blunt nails along the edge.

"I cleared it - us - with the colonel."

"Oh," he says, not sure what that means. The rest of her squadron knows about them, and so do his friends, but as far as he knows she's never brought it up with any of the instructors. the difference in their ranks and years hasn't exactly been a problem yet, but now - now it's official. It has to be, he supposes, because of her promotion, but still.

She takes another drink and doesn't meet his eyes. He seizes her hand, sets her glass down and makes her look at him.

"I love you," he says and means it.

She rolls her eyes, but he can see the grin she's fighting down. "I love you too, you frakker."

[][][]

He wants to send Lee a letter, wants to say I'm so glad you liked her so much because I love her and I want to marry her.

And he does want to. He does. He wants her to be his forever, wants her in his bed and in his arms and full of his children. He does. But. It's that last bit of uncertainty that's killing him inside.

But.

[][][]

The door to her office is half open, and he's about to knock when he hears Colonel Wong's voice.

"Shame Cadet Adama doesn't have the same skill as his older brother." Zak holds his breath and edges back from the door just enough to ensure he won't be seen. "Brennan thinks he should be washed out."

Kara remains silent. Zak is sure he doesn't want to hear this and starts to step away.

"You don't agree?" Zak freezes at Wong's curious voice.

"No sir." Kara's voice sounds deceptively mild, but Zak recognizes the anger - and maybe panic - underneath.

No? No? You sure you're not letting your personal feelings cloud your judgement here, Kara? I know you and Lee Adama are friendly. I heard about your display during Skira last year."

Zak wants to puke.

He hears Kara take a deep breath. "Sir, no sir. I just think it would be a disservice to wash out someone with the potential to be a solid pilot."

The silence in the room stretches and stretches and Zak doesn't breathe.

'Fine. I trust your judgement, but keep an eye on him," Zak hears booted feet coming to the door and heads down the hallway. He's not fast enough that he doesn't hear the colonel stop and say "Kara. Be careful."

[][][]

Kara works him hard after that. Their extra sim time is just that, extra sim time, and not an excuse to see how creative they can be in a space the size of a cockpit.

She is, to his surprise, almost unfallingly patient. He's seen her with students and with her squadron and he's never seen her like this. Each time he fails to complete a task, hit a target, make it back before he hits bingo fuel, she doesn't even sigh. She just cycles up the sim and says "go again."

If it didn't matter so much to him, he'd let it bother him. But it does mean so much, so he is patient too, and tries again, every time.

[][][]

Lee wants to meet for drinks to celebrate some bill or another getting passed. Kara rolls her eyes but agrees.

Zak is late and he's almost bumbling in his attempts to get to the bar. He arrives and find the two of them at the bar, both a few drinks in. They're a normal distance away, and as Zak pauses at the door, some rational part of him admits that they look like any other set of pilots in the bar.

When he meets them, Kara slides off her chair and kisses him. Zak catches his brother's eye and watches Lee shake his head fondly. Zak doesn't know what he expected to find, but it's not this, he thinks later. It's not this comfortable familarity among the three of them. Like family, he thinks, and turns a considering eye on Kara.

[][][]

Enough. He - they cant live like this, even if Kara knows nothing is wrong. She comes back from the head and slides under the covers, her feet cold like usual. He flinches and, like usual, slides a hand high up her side and pinches her lightly.

"Ow," she complains softly, but slides closer and tucks her head under his chin. He so full in this moment, so full of her and them that he almost can't breath around the weight of it in his chest, and he falls completely.

"I love you," he manages and she rubs her cheek against his chest, her hair tickling his chin.

"Love you too," and he believes her. Finally.

"Marry me," he says. It slips out, because he never intended to actually say it.

He holds his breath, but she doesn't. She rubs her cheek against him one more time and says "Okay."

She turns her face to him and he is blinded by her grin.

[][][]

The night before his check flight they're supposed to have dinner with Lee. Kara arrives home and is sweaty and disheveled and smells like tylium; she's been flying and as soon as she sees him she sidles her arms around his neck and presses her body up against his.

Her mouth is slow and lazy but still hot, hot and wet and just hungry enough that he's ready to call Lee and apologize for not making it. He'll call later, he thinks, as her hand gropes his ass.

"Mmm-" she manages and licks into his mouth.

He pulls back far enough to say "Kara," but she takes it wrong and pulls her mouth away, laughing.

"Let me shower and we can go meet Lee."

"We don't need to," he says, and presses his hips more firmly to hers.

She laughs again, presses her lips to his once, twice, a third time and then disentangles herself from his arms.

All through dinner he can't stop looking at her, can't stop touching her, a brush of fingers against her neck, his thigh pressed against her, his finger rubbing her new ring, his foot tangling with hers.

Lee excuses himself to go to the bathroom, and when he returns Zak has his hand up under Kara's shirt and she's kissing him like they're not in public.

Zak knows the exact moment Lee returns and a part of Zak he'd thought long buried kisses her deeper, deeper until Kara moans, just a little, just enough. Lee is taking a deep swallow of his drink and looking away when Zak breaks the kiss.

They leave fifteen minutes later and don't make it out of the front seat of the car before the first orgasm for both of them.

[][][]

"Do you love me?" he gasps as her hand finds his cock.

"Yes-" she manages, her hips arching and her eyes rolling back in her head as he fingers her. "Gods - yes."

"Only me?" he asks and grinds his thumb against her clit.

"Yes, gods yes Zak." Her words sound true, like she means them, like she loves him. He believes her.

[][][]

The deck looms, and all he can think of is Kara, thinks he loves her, hopes she doesn't blame herself.

Doesn't want his brother to have her.

[][][]