![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Title: Lost & Found
Author: elly427
Summary: A written scene or not, it never seems to matter. She remembers that much.
Rating: R. RPF. Please look away if that's not your thing.
Word Count: 4948
Soundtrack: Came on Lion, Sarah Harmer
Disclaimer: Absolutely not mine. These characters have the names of real people but are absolutely not those people.
Thanks: Many, many thanks to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
indigo419 for beta services rendered. Unknowing thanks to taragel for compiling a post about 'Lost and Found' many moons ago that was invaluable as a research tool.
A/N: Last pilot season Katee filmed a pilot called "Lost & Found" which Dick Wolf of Law & Order produced. At the time there was some discussion of how convenient that would make crossovers with Jamie's Law & Order:UK. This is not exactly that.
Forwisteria_, on the occasion of her birthday. Happy, happy birthday, darling!
Lost & Found
[][][]
Closer than
a girl can get
to trouble when
she hasn't yet
gotten in it
- Came on Lion, Sarah Harmer
[][][]
"Katee, sweetheart." Katee looks up from her magazine and offers her cheek to Dick. Three years and it still amuses her that the creator of some of the most prolific dramas on television is so affectionate.
"What's up, Wolfman?" he grins at the nickname but there's something more, something like excitement buzzing behind his eyes.
"Katee, Katee, Katee, have I got a surprise for you."
"What?" she says and shakes his head and pantomimes zipping his lips.
"Come on," she wheedles and adds a little pout. He laughs and swats her with the sheaf of papers in his hand - white, first draft of a script, she notes.
"Nope. You're not getting this one out of me, young lady. You'll just have to wait," but he can't stop grinning so she grins back, then tries to hide it and goes back to her magazine.
"Fine," she manages with a studied air of nonchalance and Dick cackles as he walks away.
[][][]
She forgets all about Dick's taunting until three weeks later when she walks into the read through for the next episode and Jamie is there.
Jamie is there.
Her breath catches in her throat before Andre nudges her and winks. Brian's eyebrows are waggling crazily at her.
She realizes everyone else must have known but her.
She punches Andre in the arm and shoots Brian a look before heading towards Jamie. She can feel every eye in the room on her and if the smile on her face isn't 100% genuine, she is determined no one will know.
He stands up from the table when she approaches and she says "Bamber," with a big smile before he can get them off on the wrong foot.
"Katee," he smiles in return and she makes a concerted effort not to take a breath as she leans in for a hug.
The smell of his shampoo and his citrus aftershave cling to her clothes. When he steps away, she takes her breath and all she can smell is him.
Normally she sits next to Brian and across from Josh, but today's she's at the end of the table with Jamie because all the other seats had filled fast.
She feels more than a little like she's on display, like some exotic bird in a zoo. Dick had raved about Battlestar enough in the early days that she'd caught more than one cast member with a set of DVDs in their trailer, curious what the hell was up with her little sci-fi space opera. Teena had taken to calling her Starbuck on occasion, and now here was her Apollo, living and breathing and right next to her.
She hasn't read the script because she never reads the script before the round table. Dick sets the scene and it seems Jamie is an old flame, the old flame, Tessa's first real love who'd broken her heart and, Katee is sure, she'd never gotten over.
She eyes Dick from under her eyelashes as the read through starts.
Oh. And Jamie's character is British, so he sounds just like Jamie.
Well fuck.
[][][]
He catches her at craft services sneaking a chocolate chip muffin. He's always had an uncanny knack for catching her in the act.
"So . . ." he drawls and she almost can't help rolling her eyes at him.
"Sooooo. . ." she says and bites into the top of the muffin. It's flaky and sweet and soft and she hasn't allowed herself chocolate in what's felt like forever so she closes her eyes for a second to savor it.
She hears Jamie clear his throat. She opens her eyes and catches him watching her.
"I guess Dick didn't tell you I'd be guesting," he says as his eyes flick from her mouth to her eyes and back again. She darts her tongue out self-consciously to catch any crumbs, but that seems to only further attracts his attention.
She brushes her hand across her mouth and squares her shoulders. "No, he didn't mention it, but I should have guessed."
"Oh?" he asks and his eyes are still on her mouth so she shrugs her shoulders and waves a hand in the air to capture his attention. "You know. He was insufferably coy. Couldn't stop grinning when he looked at me and mentioned this script. He did love Battlestar, after all."
Jamie nods and manages a grin. "He was the same way with Freema when we had David on as a guest." She shouldn't know what he's talking about but she's seen every episode of his Law & Order, so she nods dumbly.
Someone calls his name from behind him. It's Tara from wardrobe, if she's not mistaken. His eyes flash and meet hers and she sees something akin to panic in them.
"Dinner?" he blurts. "I mean, I'm just back in LA and I feel like I don't know anyone anymore and a friendly face -"
She nods before he can babble anymore and the smile on his beautiful face is worth it.
"Come find me, later," she says. "I'll be in my trailer." He nods and grins and she fights down that part of her that has always swooned at that look.
[][][]
She's wiping off the remains of her makeup when she hears the gentle tapping at the trailer door. She bites back a grin and sings out "Come in," because of course it's him. No one else on this set bothers to wait after knocking.
"Hey," he says and she returns his bright grin.
"Dinner?" he asks and she immediately replies "Yes," because she's never really been able to say no to him.
She doesn't think anything of reaching for her leather riding pants and pulling them on under Tessa's skirt, until she shimmies out of said skirt and glaces up to catch him watching her, eyes dark and hot. She flushes but doesn't say anything, but she does turn away from him when she pulls her shell over her head and fiddles nervously with her white cotton tank.
She has her summer jacket with her, light enough to be comfortable in the heat but still provide some protection.
He whistles when he sees the bike and she can't bite back her grin. "My baby," she says and slings a leg over before reaching back to pat the seat behind her. "We'll be gentle with you."
Jamie tries to get on with a minimum of touching, but his hands find her waist before she's even started the bike and she has to take breath and clench her thighs around the seat against all her impulses.
The ride is excruciating. Every bump presses her closer to the seat, presses Jamie closer to her back. She hits a series of pot holes and has to bite her lip hard.
Jamie's not helping. His hands are around her waist but at each stop light they slide down to her legs, rest on top of her thighs. More than once his thumbs brush against her inner thighs and even through the leather her muscles jump and tighten. She's glad her visor is tinted and he can't see what he's doing to her. He knows, though, he must. Her skin is so hot, and she's had to stop herself from arching back against him more than once.
[][][]
Dinner is Filipino-Indian fusion and terrible. It doesn't matter, though, because Jamie is Jamie, funny and thoughtful and full of a hundred stories to cover the awkward silences. They've always had that, this connection, even in the later seasons when things were strained and weird and not how either of them ever wanted them to be.
[][][]
She takes the long way back but eventually pulls up in front of his house and she feels his hesitation before he swings his leg over the seat of the bike.
He turns to her, handing her back her spare helmet. She juggles it with her own in her hands, only looking up when he asks, "How did you-"
"Tahmoh," she blurts. "And Grace. When they were staying here when you were in England they invited me over-" she brushes her messy hair back from her face and hopes it hides her flush. She'd been more than eager to see his house and had loved it immediately for the big yard and the quiet street and the little touches that made it utterly his. His helmet fits neatly in the storage compartment and she doesn't look at him.
"Oh," he says, "of course." He shifts his weight and looks over his shoulder at the house before saying "well."
"Yeah, I should go." They both have an early call tomorrow and they've probably stayed out later than they should have anyways.
He nods and then his lips are brushing her cheek, his breath brushing sensitive skin and she had to bite back a full body shudder.
"Tomorrow," she breathes and guns the bike as she pulls her helmet back on.
She suspects her visor isn't hiding her stupid grin, so she speeds away faster than normal.
[][][]
She wakes before her alarm and is in line at Starbucks early enough to stun her regular barista.
She meets up with him in the fluff and buff trailer. It's unintentional, but their call times tended to be similar enough in the early days of Battlestar that it's not unfamiliar.
He's just Jamie, charming and funny and sly without trying.
She fights the memories that remind her she loves him for it.
[][][]
Tessa fits like an old glove at this point, but some days it's harder than others to get herself in that head space. Then there are days like today, where it's fucking impossible. She's clinging to her script like a life line and she still feels like every move she makes on camera is wrong.
Jamie's hand is on her cheek and his eyes are earnest, so full of meaning and want. "I've missed you," he says and his thumb traces the curve of her jaw lightly.
She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath and tells him the truth. "I've missed you too."
His lips find hers too easily. His forefinger tilts her chin up and his lips find hers with the ease of familiarity. No tongue this time, just gentle, sweet kisses that make her weak in the knees and leave her wanting more.
Stanton is at their side with the light meter before Jamie pulls away completely.
"I think we might want to do that again with more wattage," Stanton says as he considers the readings. Jamie lets her go and steps back.
"Sounds good," Jamie says, casual. Katee takes a breath and braces herself once again.
[][][]
He finds her in the smoking pit like his sixth sense for knowing when she's misbehaving hasn't waned at all despite the years.
She blows her mouthful of smoke to the side and offers him the rest of her cigarette. The Jamie she knows only smokes when he's drinking -
- or making bad decisions she remembers his words from a night a long time ago as he takes the butt from between her fingers.
His inhale is slow and deep and long, and Katee fumbles for another cigarette as his actions make her toes curl. He exhales, a wistful sigh.
She doesn't say anything, just watches his lips purse around the cigarette as she lights another for herself.
[][][]
In the morning light, Jamie's skin is pale like it was at the beginning of Battlestar, so pale it's almost translucent. Her head rests on his shoulder and she traces the veins she can see in his arm.
She clears her throat as an afterthought and he turns his face towards her. His grin is already wide before he opens his eyes. Beyond them she thinks the crew is working hard not to notice the expression on her face.
He rolls her over, swift and with intent. She closes her eyes and lets Tessa arch against him.
[][][]
Dick is on set for story meetings, but she catches him watching their bedroom scene. She's still in her robe when he slings an arm around her and brushes a fatherly kiss against her hair.
"I knew this would be great." He's gloating, just a little, and part of her wants to take him down a peg.
The other part, well, the other part responds to him, says, "Yeah," softly, and leans into his side. Despite their short acquaintance, he knows her too well to lie.
[][][]
It's a long day on set. It's not as draining as the waining days of Battlestar but she's found nothing that is. Jamie is in the guest trailer, phone pressed to his ear and an exasperated look on his face.
"Need a ride?" she asks when he hits end on his iPhone gratefully.
"Would you mind?" and there's a brief moment when she remembers his hands on her hips, her thighs, on the ride home last night. Minds is the last thing she'd call it and it must show.
He smiles and slings his jacket over his shoulder.
[][][]
It's been a long day, she thinks, a long day in bed with him. She can't be blames when she shivers when he gets off the back of the bike, his hand brushing the bared skin at her waist. It's easy to explain, she thinks. She's just primed to his touch.
But this time when he hands her back his helmet his fingers brush hers just so and she knows, sudden and sharp, that he wants this as much as she does.
He kisses her until her Harley is wobbling beneath her.
He pulls away and asks with a swollen mouth "Do you want to come in?"
"No," she says and can't stand the way he recoils and tries to hide it. "Come home with me," her voice is high and breathless, so different she barely recognizes it. To distract him she guns the engine.
His smile is blinding when she looks over at him, and she has to kiss his mouth again to hide its glare.
[][][]
The sheets on her bed are crisp and fresh. As they fall onto them, a mess of arms and legs and naked skin, she doesn't wanted to think of why she'd changed them last night, but she is grateful nonetheless.
[][][]
She doesn't mean for it to happen. She doesn't. She's more mature, more grown up than five years ago. She knows now what it means to want what she can't have.
Despite that, despite all the vows and promises she'd made for herself, she finds him in her home, in her bed, finds him deep inside of her, the makeup of a day of filming still coating their skin.
Being this close to him is still comfortable after a day on set and a hundred times before this.
He sighs when he shifts his hips into hers. She bites back the answering sound and slides against him, skin on skin.
She never regrets this in the moment. Regret will come later.
[][][]
"Do you know what I miss most about Vancouver?" he takes a deep breath of the skin of her neck even as she freezes. His arm tightens across her chest and he slides his thigh a little further over hers.
"Jamie - no - you -"
"The rain," he cuts her off and lifts his head to look her in the eyes. "I miss the sodding rain, even though I complained about it all the time and it rains every fucking day in fucking London."
He's looking at her like he's telling her something but she doesn't know what so she look away, over his shoulder at the crack in her ceiling and says "oh," quietly.
He breathes out and she feels it against her skin just before his mouth lays a gentle line of kisses from her mouth to her neck to her breast, before his tongue wraps around her nipple and she gasps "oh, oh" and is arching up against him.
But even as he makes her come, even as she digs her nails into his skin and presses against him as desperately as she can, she is still thinking about what he said and what he could possibly mean.
[][][]
She's in the bath when he finds her, up to her ears in hot water, just like normal.
She'd laid there awake after the last time and couldn't just stay there, Jamie perfect and there beside her like she's worked so hard not to think about. Like she'd worked so hard to forget.
He knocks on the half-open door before entering. When he sits on the edge of the tub she sees his face is a little hesitant. He's not sure if he's still entitled to this sort of intimacy. She's not either, really, but that doesn't matter so much when his eyes darken and skim down her body like a touch.
She brings her hands up to her hair, swirling in the water, and arches her back a little. It feels like floating. It's gratifying when he swallows and his eyes can't stay away from her breasts, her hips, from between her legs.
"It's late," he says.
She doesn't know what to say. She wants to say don't or you can stay or already? but that seems like too much too soon, despite everything so she doesn't.
Instead she just looks at him, lets her eyes wander down his bare chest to his unbuttoned jeans. It's been years, and he's no longer required to take his shirt off or bare arms at a moments' notice, but he still looks good, looks damned good.
When she's done looking, done remembering, and meets his eyes again, he's got that look in his eyes that is so familiar and so god-damned sexy that she blinks, fast, but can't look away.
The hand he'd been leaning on lifts, pauses, lifts again. He reaches down towards her and then pauses, unsure. She wants him to touch her, wants to take his hand in hers and guide it to her skin but she's frozen with indecision despite everything they've done in the past few hours. Too much she thinks again and watches his hand move again, this time lower and lower until it trails in the warm water.
He takes a deep breath and her eyes dart to his. He doesn't say anything, doesn't smile, doesn't even seem to exhale and then his hand is lifting out of the water, dripping droplets across her breasts, hovering above the surface,
His fingers trail down the center of her chest. She can't help but arch up, heels and head digging into the walls of the tub. The water makes his hands slide across her skin and she lets out a shaky breath.
"Is this -" he starts and she can't help blurting "Stay" at almost the same moment and he smiles and his finger finds her belly button, dips in and circles and heads lower.
Her back is bowed and all she can hear underwater is the pounding of her pulse.
As his fingers find her and part her, sliding in and over her slippery skin she can't look away from his face.
[][][]
The next day on set they go for a run instead of eating lunch.
She wears a sports bra and tiny shorts and he lets her set the pace, grins when she looks back to find him watching her ass.
It's just like old times.
[][][]
The rest of the day on set is a blur. He only has pick up shots and she's busy with Brian in the basement office set. The lighting is usually purposely terrible in the office. Today she worries she might be glowing just a little, but no one says anything.
[][][]
That night she she watches as his hands sweep over her skin and knows her body is different. She works out differently now; less yoga and more strength training. She's run what feels like the distance from here to the moon on her treadmill. Where once there were soft curves and resilient skin there is now hard muscle and fewer inches.
He notices, she can tell he does, and wonders if he minds the difference. Scott did, she knows. He'd made enough little, joking comments before they'd broken up, and she knows there's always some truth in every "just kidding."
But Jamie has changed too. He's still in shape, still trim, but there is a yielding softness to him now. She thinks part of it is not having her or Tahmoh or Tricia around to goad him into a run instead of lunch, or Eddie there to provoke a boxing session instead of drinks after filming.
Or maybe - maybe, and she bites her lip as his finger traces her belly button. Maybe it's the release he's finding at finally being able to be with his family, of finally being able to live in the same city let alone the same continent) as his wife and children and it's made him softer. She hopes that's the case. She wants him to be happy. She knows being here with her won't give him that. It didn't in Vancouver and it won't now.
His hand slides to her hip and pulls her close to his body. She tucks her head under his chin and teasingly pinches an inch around his middle. He jerks away and tries to do the same to her, laughter rumbling through his chest and into her ear.
His heart and his breath and his heat lull her to sleep, but not before she pulls him even closer.
[][][]
Two days left and they film the scene she's been avoiding thinking or talking about since she read it.
"You left" she says and she can't believe the way her voice shakes.
"Because you - you told me to."
"I didn't mean - you had another life waiting for you. We both know I was just in the way."
He blows out a breath and she can still feel it from three feet away.
"I - I -" he can't seem to find the words so it's no surprise when he steps forward and his fingers find her cheek, as gentle as always.
She closes her eyes, can't look at him so close, but she kisses him back with everything she has when his mouth finds hers.
A written scene or not, it never seems to matter. She remembers that much from the last season of Battlestar.
When they're done she hides in her trailer and ignores the knocks at her door.
It takes her too long to find herself after that scene.
[][][]
Later, he rubs her tired feet while she does a phone interview. As much as she likes Tessa's cute clothes and long hair and make up, sometimes she misses Kara's flat boots without heels.
Jamie hits a particularly sore spot and she has to bite back a gasp. She realizes she's given something away when the interviewer asks hesitantly "Is this a good time?"
Katee kicks Jamie's hands away and ignores his devilish grin to assure the reporter that now is great, she just had a cramp from preparing for her stunts.
Jamie doesn't like being ignored, she knows that.
Jamie leaves the room and returns minutes later with an iced tea for himself and a Diet Coke for her. She clinks her glass with his as she continues talking, and nearly chokes on her first sip as Jamie makes eye contact and then sways his hips as he pulls his shirt over his head.
The rest of the reporter's questions are a blur as Jamie grins, shedding his shirt and socks and flicking open his button fly, letting his jeans get caught on his hips and by now impressive erection.
Her mouth goes dry as he slides a hand into his underwear and he tilts his head back, eyes closed and tongue peeking from his mouth.
She thinks she says something to the effect of "sorrygottogoanother interviewthanks so much yeah" before she hits end on her phone. She lets it dangle against her ear while she swallows hard and takes in the sight before her, Jamie with his hand on his own cock, eyes closed and enjoying himself.
She sheds her own shirt and is working on the buttons of her jeans when his eyes peek open, still heavy lidded.
"Katee-" he says, deep and rough and British, and she is on her feet next to him, hand down his pants and encircling him, hot and hard and heavy, before he knows what hits him.
[][][]
They both have the next morning off and they spend it in her bed.
"I read that interview," she says. He's lying on his side next to her playing connect the dots with the freckles on her side. She squirms, ticklish.
"Which one?" he asks distractedly, his hand settling wide and warm on her stomach.
"The one about remembering your attraction to your co-stars is an act."
"Mmm," he hums noncommittally.
She takes a breath and wonders what to say next. Remembers reading the magazine she'd picked up on her way through Heathrow, remembers turning the page and not expecting it at all. She'd ogled the photo - who wouldn't? - and skimmed the article until the first bit about side breast and a memory of him watching the dailies after her shower scene made her cheeks flood hot and red.
The memory brings another flood of emotion and even the weight of his hand on her sternum won't make her face that.
"Was it Tahmoh?" she asks innocently.
He laughs, and his eyes crinkle and his teeth are white and he's perfect, perfect. Beautiful.
His hand slides down from her belly to her side and he pulls her closer, his leg hitching up and curling over her knee to her calf. He nuzzles the side of her face and then settles his head on the pillow next to hers.
It's comfortable, having him here next to her. Comfortable in a way it should never be, and a tiny part of her aches for it, but she ignores that part like she did for five years.
She's hovering on the edge of sleep when he says "Kerry didn't want me to take this job."
She is suddenly, terribly awake.
After a minute, after she has caught her breath, she wants to say with good reason but manages to bite her tongue. He says it for her.
"And she was right." Katee's entire body stiffens, she knows he feels it, and he pulls her closer anyway.
"I don't regret this, Katee. I never have."
But that doesn't change things, she thinks as she swallows around the sudden lump in her throat.
She doesn't sleep.
She doesn't think he does either.
[][][]
"Do you know what I miss most about California?" he asks like an echo, his breath stirring wisps of the hair that reaches halfway down her back now.
"What?" she asks, tone playful, stretching in the warm light, crisp cotton warm against her skin.
"The sunshine," he says and she can feel his grin against her back, where his head is resting on her shoulder blade.
"Mmm," she says and closes her eyes, gets comfortable, or as comfortable as she can.
He presses his lips to her skin. Says "And you" like he means it, like it's easy.
Her eyes fly open and he pulls her closer and she rolls quickly but carefully, keeping the sheet up and staying in the circle of his arms.
His eyes are blue, so blue, as blue as they always are from this distance. "Yeah?" she asks and finds she's a little bit breathless.
"Yeah," he affirms, not even trying to hide his smile before he kisses her on the mouth.
"Perfect, cut, perfect," Marcus says from his chair across the set. "That's what we need. Shut'er down for the day."
The light two feet away that simulated morning sunshine snaps off and Jen is waiting at her side of the bed with a robe. Jamie presses an absent kiss to her cheek and climbs off and out of Tessa's bed.
[][][][]
They film their last scene together the next day.
They're at the beach, this time in the California sunshine instead of the Vancouver rain or a Kelowna field.
"It was fun," he says, squinting into the sun.
"It was." She agrees and looks out over the waves.
"But it-"
"Can't happen again," she agrees. The scene calls for her to turn and hug him, throw a comradely arm around him and let him squeeze her tightly, maybe let the camera catch a glimpse of what could have been before she slides her sunglasses down and takes him for one last farewell boardwalk hot dog, the two of them pleasantly bickering until the credits roll.
Instead, instead they both keep looking out at the water. Jamie's hand finds hers and squeeze, and she blinks hard against the tears as he leaves her.
It's perfect and it's not and it's nothing Dick was looking for, but it's enough.
"Cut!" Marcus yells, and Dick steps around the camera.
"Katee," he says, and holds out his arms. She doesn't quite fall into them. "It was beautiful."
"Okay," she nods against his windbreaker.
"Beautiful, but do it again, and do the scene I wrote."
"Okay," she says.
They do the scene the way it was written.
That's the take that ends up in the final cut.
[][][]
So now can I step lightly back between
Where you are and where I've been
Back into that thing we do
Where it's me and it's just you
And it's not hard
It's too easy
I get it and I get to be
Close than a girl can get to trouble
Without getting in it
- Came on Lion, Sarah Harmer
[][][]
Author: elly427
Summary: A written scene or not, it never seems to matter. She remembers that much.
Rating: R. RPF. Please look away if that's not your thing.
Word Count: 4948
Soundtrack: Came on Lion, Sarah Harmer
Disclaimer: Absolutely not mine. These characters have the names of real people but are absolutely not those people.
Thanks: Many, many thanks to
indigo419 for beta services rendered. Unknowing thanks to taragel for compiling a post about 'Lost and Found' many moons ago that was invaluable as a research tool. A/N: Last pilot season Katee filmed a pilot called "Lost & Found" which Dick Wolf of Law & Order produced. At the time there was some discussion of how convenient that would make crossovers with Jamie's Law & Order:UK. This is not exactly that.
For
wisteria_, on the occasion of her birthday. Happy, happy birthday, darling! Lost & Found
[][][]
Closer than
a girl can get
to trouble when
she hasn't yet
gotten in it
- Came on Lion, Sarah Harmer
[][][]
"Katee, sweetheart." Katee looks up from her magazine and offers her cheek to Dick. Three years and it still amuses her that the creator of some of the most prolific dramas on television is so affectionate.
"What's up, Wolfman?" he grins at the nickname but there's something more, something like excitement buzzing behind his eyes.
"Katee, Katee, Katee, have I got a surprise for you."
"What?" she says and shakes his head and pantomimes zipping his lips.
"Come on," she wheedles and adds a little pout. He laughs and swats her with the sheaf of papers in his hand - white, first draft of a script, she notes.
"Nope. You're not getting this one out of me, young lady. You'll just have to wait," but he can't stop grinning so she grins back, then tries to hide it and goes back to her magazine.
"Fine," she manages with a studied air of nonchalance and Dick cackles as he walks away.
[][][]
She forgets all about Dick's taunting until three weeks later when she walks into the read through for the next episode and Jamie is there.
Jamie is there.
Her breath catches in her throat before Andre nudges her and winks. Brian's eyebrows are waggling crazily at her.
She realizes everyone else must have known but her.
She punches Andre in the arm and shoots Brian a look before heading towards Jamie. She can feel every eye in the room on her and if the smile on her face isn't 100% genuine, she is determined no one will know.
He stands up from the table when she approaches and she says "Bamber," with a big smile before he can get them off on the wrong foot.
"Katee," he smiles in return and she makes a concerted effort not to take a breath as she leans in for a hug.
The smell of his shampoo and his citrus aftershave cling to her clothes. When he steps away, she takes her breath and all she can smell is him.
Normally she sits next to Brian and across from Josh, but today's she's at the end of the table with Jamie because all the other seats had filled fast.
She feels more than a little like she's on display, like some exotic bird in a zoo. Dick had raved about Battlestar enough in the early days that she'd caught more than one cast member with a set of DVDs in their trailer, curious what the hell was up with her little sci-fi space opera. Teena had taken to calling her Starbuck on occasion, and now here was her Apollo, living and breathing and right next to her.
She hasn't read the script because she never reads the script before the round table. Dick sets the scene and it seems Jamie is an old flame, the old flame, Tessa's first real love who'd broken her heart and, Katee is sure, she'd never gotten over.
She eyes Dick from under her eyelashes as the read through starts.
Oh. And Jamie's character is British, so he sounds just like Jamie.
Well fuck.
[][][]
He catches her at craft services sneaking a chocolate chip muffin. He's always had an uncanny knack for catching her in the act.
"So . . ." he drawls and she almost can't help rolling her eyes at him.
"Sooooo. . ." she says and bites into the top of the muffin. It's flaky and sweet and soft and she hasn't allowed herself chocolate in what's felt like forever so she closes her eyes for a second to savor it.
She hears Jamie clear his throat. She opens her eyes and catches him watching her.
"I guess Dick didn't tell you I'd be guesting," he says as his eyes flick from her mouth to her eyes and back again. She darts her tongue out self-consciously to catch any crumbs, but that seems to only further attracts his attention.
She brushes her hand across her mouth and squares her shoulders. "No, he didn't mention it, but I should have guessed."
"Oh?" he asks and his eyes are still on her mouth so she shrugs her shoulders and waves a hand in the air to capture his attention. "You know. He was insufferably coy. Couldn't stop grinning when he looked at me and mentioned this script. He did love Battlestar, after all."
Jamie nods and manages a grin. "He was the same way with Freema when we had David on as a guest." She shouldn't know what he's talking about but she's seen every episode of his Law & Order, so she nods dumbly.
Someone calls his name from behind him. It's Tara from wardrobe, if she's not mistaken. His eyes flash and meet hers and she sees something akin to panic in them.
"Dinner?" he blurts. "I mean, I'm just back in LA and I feel like I don't know anyone anymore and a friendly face -"
She nods before he can babble anymore and the smile on his beautiful face is worth it.
"Come find me, later," she says. "I'll be in my trailer." He nods and grins and she fights down that part of her that has always swooned at that look.
[][][]
She's wiping off the remains of her makeup when she hears the gentle tapping at the trailer door. She bites back a grin and sings out "Come in," because of course it's him. No one else on this set bothers to wait after knocking.
"Hey," he says and she returns his bright grin.
"Dinner?" he asks and she immediately replies "Yes," because she's never really been able to say no to him.
She doesn't think anything of reaching for her leather riding pants and pulling them on under Tessa's skirt, until she shimmies out of said skirt and glaces up to catch him watching her, eyes dark and hot. She flushes but doesn't say anything, but she does turn away from him when she pulls her shell over her head and fiddles nervously with her white cotton tank.
She has her summer jacket with her, light enough to be comfortable in the heat but still provide some protection.
He whistles when he sees the bike and she can't bite back her grin. "My baby," she says and slings a leg over before reaching back to pat the seat behind her. "We'll be gentle with you."
Jamie tries to get on with a minimum of touching, but his hands find her waist before she's even started the bike and she has to take breath and clench her thighs around the seat against all her impulses.
The ride is excruciating. Every bump presses her closer to the seat, presses Jamie closer to her back. She hits a series of pot holes and has to bite her lip hard.
Jamie's not helping. His hands are around her waist but at each stop light they slide down to her legs, rest on top of her thighs. More than once his thumbs brush against her inner thighs and even through the leather her muscles jump and tighten. She's glad her visor is tinted and he can't see what he's doing to her. He knows, though, he must. Her skin is so hot, and she's had to stop herself from arching back against him more than once.
[][][]
Dinner is Filipino-Indian fusion and terrible. It doesn't matter, though, because Jamie is Jamie, funny and thoughtful and full of a hundred stories to cover the awkward silences. They've always had that, this connection, even in the later seasons when things were strained and weird and not how either of them ever wanted them to be.
[][][]
She takes the long way back but eventually pulls up in front of his house and she feels his hesitation before he swings his leg over the seat of the bike.
He turns to her, handing her back her spare helmet. She juggles it with her own in her hands, only looking up when he asks, "How did you-"
"Tahmoh," she blurts. "And Grace. When they were staying here when you were in England they invited me over-" she brushes her messy hair back from her face and hopes it hides her flush. She'd been more than eager to see his house and had loved it immediately for the big yard and the quiet street and the little touches that made it utterly his. His helmet fits neatly in the storage compartment and she doesn't look at him.
"Oh," he says, "of course." He shifts his weight and looks over his shoulder at the house before saying "well."
"Yeah, I should go." They both have an early call tomorrow and they've probably stayed out later than they should have anyways.
He nods and then his lips are brushing her cheek, his breath brushing sensitive skin and she had to bite back a full body shudder.
"Tomorrow," she breathes and guns the bike as she pulls her helmet back on.
She suspects her visor isn't hiding her stupid grin, so she speeds away faster than normal.
[][][]
She wakes before her alarm and is in line at Starbucks early enough to stun her regular barista.
She meets up with him in the fluff and buff trailer. It's unintentional, but their call times tended to be similar enough in the early days of Battlestar that it's not unfamiliar.
He's just Jamie, charming and funny and sly without trying.
She fights the memories that remind her she loves him for it.
[][][]
Tessa fits like an old glove at this point, but some days it's harder than others to get herself in that head space. Then there are days like today, where it's fucking impossible. She's clinging to her script like a life line and she still feels like every move she makes on camera is wrong.
Jamie's hand is on her cheek and his eyes are earnest, so full of meaning and want. "I've missed you," he says and his thumb traces the curve of her jaw lightly.
She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath and tells him the truth. "I've missed you too."
His lips find hers too easily. His forefinger tilts her chin up and his lips find hers with the ease of familiarity. No tongue this time, just gentle, sweet kisses that make her weak in the knees and leave her wanting more.
Stanton is at their side with the light meter before Jamie pulls away completely.
"I think we might want to do that again with more wattage," Stanton says as he considers the readings. Jamie lets her go and steps back.
"Sounds good," Jamie says, casual. Katee takes a breath and braces herself once again.
[][][]
He finds her in the smoking pit like his sixth sense for knowing when she's misbehaving hasn't waned at all despite the years.
She blows her mouthful of smoke to the side and offers him the rest of her cigarette. The Jamie she knows only smokes when he's drinking -
- or making bad decisions she remembers his words from a night a long time ago as he takes the butt from between her fingers.
His inhale is slow and deep and long, and Katee fumbles for another cigarette as his actions make her toes curl. He exhales, a wistful sigh.
She doesn't say anything, just watches his lips purse around the cigarette as she lights another for herself.
[][][]
In the morning light, Jamie's skin is pale like it was at the beginning of Battlestar, so pale it's almost translucent. Her head rests on his shoulder and she traces the veins she can see in his arm.
She clears her throat as an afterthought and he turns his face towards her. His grin is already wide before he opens his eyes. Beyond them she thinks the crew is working hard not to notice the expression on her face.
He rolls her over, swift and with intent. She closes her eyes and lets Tessa arch against him.
[][][]
Dick is on set for story meetings, but she catches him watching their bedroom scene. She's still in her robe when he slings an arm around her and brushes a fatherly kiss against her hair.
"I knew this would be great." He's gloating, just a little, and part of her wants to take him down a peg.
The other part, well, the other part responds to him, says, "Yeah," softly, and leans into his side. Despite their short acquaintance, he knows her too well to lie.
[][][]
It's a long day on set. It's not as draining as the waining days of Battlestar but she's found nothing that is. Jamie is in the guest trailer, phone pressed to his ear and an exasperated look on his face.
"Need a ride?" she asks when he hits end on his iPhone gratefully.
"Would you mind?" and there's a brief moment when she remembers his hands on her hips, her thighs, on the ride home last night. Minds is the last thing she'd call it and it must show.
He smiles and slings his jacket over his shoulder.
[][][]
It's been a long day, she thinks, a long day in bed with him. She can't be blames when she shivers when he gets off the back of the bike, his hand brushing the bared skin at her waist. It's easy to explain, she thinks. She's just primed to his touch.
But this time when he hands her back his helmet his fingers brush hers just so and she knows, sudden and sharp, that he wants this as much as she does.
He kisses her until her Harley is wobbling beneath her.
He pulls away and asks with a swollen mouth "Do you want to come in?"
"No," she says and can't stand the way he recoils and tries to hide it. "Come home with me," her voice is high and breathless, so different she barely recognizes it. To distract him she guns the engine.
His smile is blinding when she looks over at him, and she has to kiss his mouth again to hide its glare.
[][][]
The sheets on her bed are crisp and fresh. As they fall onto them, a mess of arms and legs and naked skin, she doesn't wanted to think of why she'd changed them last night, but she is grateful nonetheless.
[][][]
She doesn't mean for it to happen. She doesn't. She's more mature, more grown up than five years ago. She knows now what it means to want what she can't have.
Despite that, despite all the vows and promises she'd made for herself, she finds him in her home, in her bed, finds him deep inside of her, the makeup of a day of filming still coating their skin.
Being this close to him is still comfortable after a day on set and a hundred times before this.
He sighs when he shifts his hips into hers. She bites back the answering sound and slides against him, skin on skin.
She never regrets this in the moment. Regret will come later.
[][][]
"Do you know what I miss most about Vancouver?" he takes a deep breath of the skin of her neck even as she freezes. His arm tightens across her chest and he slides his thigh a little further over hers.
"Jamie - no - you -"
"The rain," he cuts her off and lifts his head to look her in the eyes. "I miss the sodding rain, even though I complained about it all the time and it rains every fucking day in fucking London."
He's looking at her like he's telling her something but she doesn't know what so she look away, over his shoulder at the crack in her ceiling and says "oh," quietly.
He breathes out and she feels it against her skin just before his mouth lays a gentle line of kisses from her mouth to her neck to her breast, before his tongue wraps around her nipple and she gasps "oh, oh" and is arching up against him.
But even as he makes her come, even as she digs her nails into his skin and presses against him as desperately as she can, she is still thinking about what he said and what he could possibly mean.
[][][]
She's in the bath when he finds her, up to her ears in hot water, just like normal.
She'd laid there awake after the last time and couldn't just stay there, Jamie perfect and there beside her like she's worked so hard not to think about. Like she'd worked so hard to forget.
He knocks on the half-open door before entering. When he sits on the edge of the tub she sees his face is a little hesitant. He's not sure if he's still entitled to this sort of intimacy. She's not either, really, but that doesn't matter so much when his eyes darken and skim down her body like a touch.
She brings her hands up to her hair, swirling in the water, and arches her back a little. It feels like floating. It's gratifying when he swallows and his eyes can't stay away from her breasts, her hips, from between her legs.
"It's late," he says.
She doesn't know what to say. She wants to say don't or you can stay or already? but that seems like too much too soon, despite everything so she doesn't.
Instead she just looks at him, lets her eyes wander down his bare chest to his unbuttoned jeans. It's been years, and he's no longer required to take his shirt off or bare arms at a moments' notice, but he still looks good, looks damned good.
When she's done looking, done remembering, and meets his eyes again, he's got that look in his eyes that is so familiar and so god-damned sexy that she blinks, fast, but can't look away.
The hand he'd been leaning on lifts, pauses, lifts again. He reaches down towards her and then pauses, unsure. She wants him to touch her, wants to take his hand in hers and guide it to her skin but she's frozen with indecision despite everything they've done in the past few hours. Too much she thinks again and watches his hand move again, this time lower and lower until it trails in the warm water.
He takes a deep breath and her eyes dart to his. He doesn't say anything, doesn't smile, doesn't even seem to exhale and then his hand is lifting out of the water, dripping droplets across her breasts, hovering above the surface,
His fingers trail down the center of her chest. She can't help but arch up, heels and head digging into the walls of the tub. The water makes his hands slide across her skin and she lets out a shaky breath.
"Is this -" he starts and she can't help blurting "Stay" at almost the same moment and he smiles and his finger finds her belly button, dips in and circles and heads lower.
Her back is bowed and all she can hear underwater is the pounding of her pulse.
As his fingers find her and part her, sliding in and over her slippery skin she can't look away from his face.
[][][]
The next day on set they go for a run instead of eating lunch.
She wears a sports bra and tiny shorts and he lets her set the pace, grins when she looks back to find him watching her ass.
It's just like old times.
[][][]
The rest of the day on set is a blur. He only has pick up shots and she's busy with Brian in the basement office set. The lighting is usually purposely terrible in the office. Today she worries she might be glowing just a little, but no one says anything.
[][][]
That night she she watches as his hands sweep over her skin and knows her body is different. She works out differently now; less yoga and more strength training. She's run what feels like the distance from here to the moon on her treadmill. Where once there were soft curves and resilient skin there is now hard muscle and fewer inches.
He notices, she can tell he does, and wonders if he minds the difference. Scott did, she knows. He'd made enough little, joking comments before they'd broken up, and she knows there's always some truth in every "just kidding."
But Jamie has changed too. He's still in shape, still trim, but there is a yielding softness to him now. She thinks part of it is not having her or Tahmoh or Tricia around to goad him into a run instead of lunch, or Eddie there to provoke a boxing session instead of drinks after filming.
Or maybe - maybe, and she bites her lip as his finger traces her belly button. Maybe it's the release he's finding at finally being able to be with his family, of finally being able to live in the same city let alone the same continent) as his wife and children and it's made him softer. She hopes that's the case. She wants him to be happy. She knows being here with her won't give him that. It didn't in Vancouver and it won't now.
His hand slides to her hip and pulls her close to his body. She tucks her head under his chin and teasingly pinches an inch around his middle. He jerks away and tries to do the same to her, laughter rumbling through his chest and into her ear.
His heart and his breath and his heat lull her to sleep, but not before she pulls him even closer.
[][][]
Two days left and they film the scene she's been avoiding thinking or talking about since she read it.
"You left" she says and she can't believe the way her voice shakes.
"Because you - you told me to."
"I didn't mean - you had another life waiting for you. We both know I was just in the way."
He blows out a breath and she can still feel it from three feet away.
"I - I -" he can't seem to find the words so it's no surprise when he steps forward and his fingers find her cheek, as gentle as always.
She closes her eyes, can't look at him so close, but she kisses him back with everything she has when his mouth finds hers.
A written scene or not, it never seems to matter. She remembers that much from the last season of Battlestar.
When they're done she hides in her trailer and ignores the knocks at her door.
It takes her too long to find herself after that scene.
[][][]
Later, he rubs her tired feet while she does a phone interview. As much as she likes Tessa's cute clothes and long hair and make up, sometimes she misses Kara's flat boots without heels.
Jamie hits a particularly sore spot and she has to bite back a gasp. She realizes she's given something away when the interviewer asks hesitantly "Is this a good time?"
Katee kicks Jamie's hands away and ignores his devilish grin to assure the reporter that now is great, she just had a cramp from preparing for her stunts.
Jamie doesn't like being ignored, she knows that.
Jamie leaves the room and returns minutes later with an iced tea for himself and a Diet Coke for her. She clinks her glass with his as she continues talking, and nearly chokes on her first sip as Jamie makes eye contact and then sways his hips as he pulls his shirt over his head.
The rest of the reporter's questions are a blur as Jamie grins, shedding his shirt and socks and flicking open his button fly, letting his jeans get caught on his hips and by now impressive erection.
Her mouth goes dry as he slides a hand into his underwear and he tilts his head back, eyes closed and tongue peeking from his mouth.
She thinks she says something to the effect of "sorrygottogoanother interviewthanks so much yeah" before she hits end on her phone. She lets it dangle against her ear while she swallows hard and takes in the sight before her, Jamie with his hand on his own cock, eyes closed and enjoying himself.
She sheds her own shirt and is working on the buttons of her jeans when his eyes peek open, still heavy lidded.
"Katee-" he says, deep and rough and British, and she is on her feet next to him, hand down his pants and encircling him, hot and hard and heavy, before he knows what hits him.
[][][]
They both have the next morning off and they spend it in her bed.
"I read that interview," she says. He's lying on his side next to her playing connect the dots with the freckles on her side. She squirms, ticklish.
"Which one?" he asks distractedly, his hand settling wide and warm on her stomach.
"The one about remembering your attraction to your co-stars is an act."
"Mmm," he hums noncommittally.
She takes a breath and wonders what to say next. Remembers reading the magazine she'd picked up on her way through Heathrow, remembers turning the page and not expecting it at all. She'd ogled the photo - who wouldn't? - and skimmed the article until the first bit about side breast and a memory of him watching the dailies after her shower scene made her cheeks flood hot and red.
The memory brings another flood of emotion and even the weight of his hand on her sternum won't make her face that.
"Was it Tahmoh?" she asks innocently.
He laughs, and his eyes crinkle and his teeth are white and he's perfect, perfect. Beautiful.
His hand slides down from her belly to her side and he pulls her closer, his leg hitching up and curling over her knee to her calf. He nuzzles the side of her face and then settles his head on the pillow next to hers.
It's comfortable, having him here next to her. Comfortable in a way it should never be, and a tiny part of her aches for it, but she ignores that part like she did for five years.
She's hovering on the edge of sleep when he says "Kerry didn't want me to take this job."
She is suddenly, terribly awake.
After a minute, after she has caught her breath, she wants to say with good reason but manages to bite her tongue. He says it for her.
"And she was right." Katee's entire body stiffens, she knows he feels it, and he pulls her closer anyway.
"I don't regret this, Katee. I never have."
But that doesn't change things, she thinks as she swallows around the sudden lump in her throat.
She doesn't sleep.
She doesn't think he does either.
[][][]
"Do you know what I miss most about California?" he asks like an echo, his breath stirring wisps of the hair that reaches halfway down her back now.
"What?" she asks, tone playful, stretching in the warm light, crisp cotton warm against her skin.
"The sunshine," he says and she can feel his grin against her back, where his head is resting on her shoulder blade.
"Mmm," she says and closes her eyes, gets comfortable, or as comfortable as she can.
He presses his lips to her skin. Says "And you" like he means it, like it's easy.
Her eyes fly open and he pulls her closer and she rolls quickly but carefully, keeping the sheet up and staying in the circle of his arms.
His eyes are blue, so blue, as blue as they always are from this distance. "Yeah?" she asks and finds she's a little bit breathless.
"Yeah," he affirms, not even trying to hide his smile before he kisses her on the mouth.
"Perfect, cut, perfect," Marcus says from his chair across the set. "That's what we need. Shut'er down for the day."
The light two feet away that simulated morning sunshine snaps off and Jen is waiting at her side of the bed with a robe. Jamie presses an absent kiss to her cheek and climbs off and out of Tessa's bed.
[][][][]
They film their last scene together the next day.
They're at the beach, this time in the California sunshine instead of the Vancouver rain or a Kelowna field.
"It was fun," he says, squinting into the sun.
"It was." She agrees and looks out over the waves.
"But it-"
"Can't happen again," she agrees. The scene calls for her to turn and hug him, throw a comradely arm around him and let him squeeze her tightly, maybe let the camera catch a glimpse of what could have been before she slides her sunglasses down and takes him for one last farewell boardwalk hot dog, the two of them pleasantly bickering until the credits roll.
Instead, instead they both keep looking out at the water. Jamie's hand finds hers and squeeze, and she blinks hard against the tears as he leaves her.
It's perfect and it's not and it's nothing Dick was looking for, but it's enough.
"Cut!" Marcus yells, and Dick steps around the camera.
"Katee," he says, and holds out his arms. She doesn't quite fall into them. "It was beautiful."
"Okay," she nods against his windbreaker.
"Beautiful, but do it again, and do the scene I wrote."
"Okay," she says.
They do the scene the way it was written.
That's the take that ends up in the final cut.
[][][]
So now can I step lightly back between
Where you are and where I've been
Back into that thing we do
Where it's me and it's just you
And it's not hard
It's too easy
I get it and I get to be
Close than a girl can get to trouble
Without getting in it
- Came on Lion, Sarah Harmer
[][][]
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
From:
no subject