My Sam. . .

[elly427]

My Sam
is kind
laughs, but not enough
never, ever stops thinking
never.

My Sam
sometimes doesn't remember it's the anniversary of her mother's death until a few days after
can't stand the way her gut twist when she remembers she's forgotten
always takes flowers to her mother's grave
when she goes (which isn't often)

My Sam
is proud of her father
will always want his approval
has never felt like she's had it
doesn't completely believe him when he tells her he's proud
secretly worries about what effect Selmak really has on him

My Sam
wishes she were more like her brother
loves her niece and nephew
doesn't quite envy Mark with his mortgage and kids and dog and wife and attachments
wishes she could warn him every time the world nearly ends

My Sam
loves Daniel like a brother and a best friend and wishes Mark were more like him
wants to smack him sometimes
knows that Daniel is her ally, no matter what.
knows Daniel misses Sha're more than he lets on
has hope for Sarah.

My Sam
underestimated Teal'c for years.
thought she understood what Teal'c gave up to fight Apophis
trusts him with her heart
is finally starting to understand Jaffa humour

My Sam
has more male friends than female
misses Janet at the strangest times
still turns up at the infirmiry when she's not paying attention
doesn't tell anyone that.

My Sam
regrets not adopting Cassie
knows she would have made a mess of both their lives
has no idea what to do with Cassie now that Janet's gone and feels like she's just along for the ride
feels guilty Cassie gave her dog to a friend instead of to Sam when she went away to college

My Sam
respects General Hammond more than anyone she knows
sometimes wants to kiss his bald head
wants his job
eventually

My Sam
hates Jolinar
maybe finally understands what she did and why
finds it almost too easy to hate a part of herself

My Sam
was never going to be that woman, the one who fell in love with her boss.
is not happy that she's that woman now
maybe understands a little better now.

My Sam
wishes she'd met Charlie
likes Sara and Sarah and Skara
doesn't like Laira or Shyla or Oma.
can't understand why Thor didn't pick her

My Sam
never calls him Jack, not even in her head
does not think about him constantly
is sometimes caught off guard by the way the Colonel looks at her
is always just a little off balance when he stands too close
likes it.

My Sam
will not give up her career for anything
will not let anyone do the same for her
wonders if she's made the right decision
thinks about a transfer every so often
but only when she's drunk or very, very sleepy

My Sam
knows people sometimes thinks she's boring
knows she's sometimes boring
likes being boring


My Sam
is an adreneline junkie
could never have been a physicist with a lab job
speeds
always wears her seatbelt or her helmet

My Sam
likes being tall
likes that SG-1 is taller than her
thinks her eyes are a little too blue
can never find shirts with sleeves long enough
wishes her mom had stuck around long enough to teach her how to apply eyeliner
sometimes wears perfume on base, just because
nice underwear too.

My Sam
doesn't think she's a hero
sometimes worries about how she'll come across in text books
feels bad for assuming she'll be in text books
(but knows she will)

My Sam
feels comfortable with a gun in her hands
feels more comfortable with a missle launcher
feels most comfortable with a couple of blocks of C4 and some wire

My Sam
wants at least three stars.
doesn't believe she'll get them quite as much as she used to

My Sam
worries she doesn't exactly know what it feels like to be in love with someone
thinks she could find out if she'd let herself
can't quite let herself.

My Sam
sometimes wishes her goddamned brain would stop working
worries that one day it will
worries that one day she will fail when it matters most
worries about that a lot.

My Sam
likes sex
wishes she had sex with someone else more often
owns a vibrator
owns two.

My Sam
had to teach herself to cook
doesn't burn toast, she just likes it dark
thinsk there's a difference between not liking to cook and not being able to

My Sam
thinks the Colonel has a great ass

My Sam
isn't exactly happy
keeps herself busy
thinks maybe she is content
doesn't think about her life all that often.



Because no one's done Sam. Because I love Sam. Because I think Sam is more than fandom sometimes lets her be.

Comments

[elly427.livejournal.com]

Sam is not well loved by fandom, for some reason. I think - I feel like in a lot of ways, Sam is a very real woman - and at other times I want to throw my hands in the air and yell at the writers because she is so poorly written.

Anyways, I'm glad you saw your Sam in this. I, at times, fond her so easy to connect with. I miss it.